I like to remind people all of the time I am not a physician or a therapist. However as a lover of knowledge and helping people I have acquired a great deal of information about health and medications. In the course of my studies I have encountered the amazing natural gifts of essential oils. One of the most well known and popular of essential oils is Lavender. Best known for its ability to soothe Lavender not only calms the skin but also can be calming emotionally. Don’t be fooled however, to get the best effects of this amazing plant you want to make sure that you are using a product or oil that is genuine lavender and not just something that is simply lavender scented. Lavender has so many uses it is considered a “power oil” . Pure Lavender is so gentle it is even safe for infants and animals and may not even require dilution. Many people have used it to get a good night’s sleep. The best lavender is farmed in Provance, France; but where an oil is harvested is just one piece in determining the quality of an oil. When you are choosing an oil you should do a little research and find out where the oil is harvested from and how it is distilled to produce an oil.
The Many uses of Lavender
Lavender can be used topically, aromatically, and is safe for ingestion as long as you lavender is a pure grade. It should be marked with food supplement information if it is truly safe for ingestion. I have even seen recipes for Lavender Lemonade. Here are some of my favorite ways to use Lavender:
Bug bites. When I was in Haiti last summer if I forgot to use a bug repellant, the itching was like torture. Lavender to the rescue and slept like a baby those nights too.
Burns. Whether it is a sun burn or touching a hot pan in the kitchen lavender soothes the burning sensation. So create a cool spritz for yourself by adding a few drops to some water and sooth your skin.
Sleep. Enhance your rest with his amazing oil. Just a few drops on the bottom of your feet can improve your sleeping. The combination of the botanicals of the lavender oil combined with the stimulation to the nerve endings in your feet can take you zzz’s to a new level. Massage feeds our skin hunger as well and using the lavender promotes relaxation. Lavender can also be diffused to create an aromatic experience conducive to relaxation.
Pets. I have used lavender multiple times for small skin irritations or injuries that my pets have had through the years. If its an injury I may combine it with melaleuca and dilute with coconut oil. (My pups LOVE coconut oil) but the lavender soothes and promotes healing. There are some great sites out thereon using essential oils with your pets. Purity is crucial. Animal nervous systems are much different than ours. Do your homework before you use and if it seems like your pet really doesn’t like it then try a different oil or approach.
Some General Information About Essential Oils*
Things like pesticides, soil and distilling processes can all impact the efficacy or effectiveness of an essential oil. I prefer oils that are farmed indigenously which also helps to support local economies in places like Haiti and Washington State. You also want to find out about things like pesticide use which can affect the oil. A poor quality oil will have disappointing results. High quality essential oils are very potent. In other words, a couple of drops will go a long way. More is not necessarily better. If an oil is really pure and even ingestible, it may have a food supplement label on it. For example you wouldn’t want to make lavender lemonade with an oil that was not labeled as pure enough to ingest. *Disclaimer Essential Oils are not regulated by the FDA. The information that is provided here is not a replacement for medical advice and is meant for informational purposes only. I am not a physician and cannot make any type of medical diagnosis. It is up to the user to educate themselves regarding the appropriate use, source and effects of an oil.
If you would like to know more about essential oils you can check out my doTerra site by clicking here.
I talk a lot about how sex can help manage stress. I don’t often expand on that because I think it is such a God given no brainer way to be happier and healthier. However, it is a no brainer for me because I know all the cool ways that sex is good for you and especially how it helps you manage stress. So just having someone tell you something is never as powerful as having someone teach you why something is good for you and that is my goal today. Of course! That is why they call me the Passion Professor. We use sex and intimacy for a lot of reasons. Procreation, entertainment, fulfilling emotional needs and physical release. So under this physical release part is where using sex to manage stress comes into play. Stress is just a physical response to emotional anxiety. Anxiety is driven by fear of something. Often we are not even sure what it is we are afraid of but in many cases it is and although we may think it is something tangible like money or a relationship it is often times something more elusive like fear of rejection or disapproval of someone else’s opinion. The #3frule is my favorite for most anxiety situations, but that is a whole other topic for another day. So now that we have touched base on what may be causing our stress, let’s look at why sex may be the answer to help you manage that stress.
The Physical Impact of Stress
When you are stressed out you have chemical and physical changes in your body. The human body is always trying to be in balance but things like actual physical stressors like heat, some type of impact to the body can cause physical stress, but in most cases it is anxiety that causes the body to change its chemistry. Cortisol is the stress hormone in our body and it is linked to adrenaline and other chemicals that cause things to happen such as our heart to race, or our palms get sweaty. We feel nervous, anxious and uneasy or maybe even break out in hives. So while for isolated situation such as an argument with a loved one or a job interview these can be normal but when just day to day interactions continue to cause these feelings they become our new norm for our body putting it in a constant state of unbalance. This kind of anxiety was what drove my study of essential oils as a way to help women naturally ease this anxiety and be happier.
Sex to the Rescue
So whether you are trying to manage stress with a partner or going solo there are so many ways that it can benefit you.
Just like exercise works your muscles and helps you release endorphins so does sex. There are all kinds of feel good chemical reaction in your body. Things like dopamine, oxytocin and serotonin. If you are currently taking an SSRI you are repressing your natural production of serotonin so even more important to up the production of these other happy chemical reactions. These reactions affect the limbic portion of the brain. The limbic system controls our pleasure sensors. You know the same thing that makes you love the smell of chocolate chip cookies or pumpkin pie ( I use baking ot manage stress too). So go ahead take a little you time or a little us time and see if it doesn’t make all those things that seem to be stressing you out seem a little more manageable. All those happy thoughts might inspire creative solutions to the source of your stress.
We all have something called skin hunger. It makes us crave contact with other humans and desire to be touched. I read something once that said we all need to be hugged at least four times a day. I couldn’t agree more. I can’t even say enough about what a good round of making out can do to help you manage stress even without the sex. However, if you think about it kissing is a great way to start. I work with women all the time and say just make fifteen minutes to kiss passionately and see where it takes you. Sometimes you just need to get started.
If you are having trouble orgasming or with getting things going in the sex department. Have no fear there are all kinds of tips and products on my site that can help you in that area. Not sure where to start? Send me an email or give me a call and we will chat!
Online Cheating Sites and Infidelity-The Ashley Madison Relationship Impact
There were lots of statistics that came out of the announcement by the Impact Group when Active Life Media the parent company of AshleyMadison.com would not take down the online cheating site. The Impact Group was releasing personal information about the site’s users. There are several companies who created handy websites in an attempt to make it easier to verify online cheating on the site by searching to see if you or your significant others email was in the database. You can easily search by email address.( Use with caution as one such site started spamming users.) The Washington Post is doing a great job of keeping everyone updated. Another issue is that email addresses were not verified by Active Life Media. Of course these folks using the site were on the down low. So there is no telling how many people used their boss’s/brother-in-law’s/neighbor’s email address or just grabbed a random one from somewhere. One of the most amusing statistics was about the number of government employees using their work emails. I am sure they were not all fake. While the internet, social media and phone technology have made cheating even easier and feasible over longer distances; it has also made the ability to catch a cheater much easier as well. The information technology trail ofGPS systems and phone logs are very accessible. At the pinnacle of all this technology , the premier online cheating site was Ashley Madison. The online cheating membership site which was designed for confidentiality and bringing infidelity to men and women across the internet. For someone such as myself who is a proponent of maintaining both a joint and individual bank accounts; a cheating spouse buying credit could have quite an easy time for men in such enlightened relationships. But then again if he only looked and never actually met anyone is it still cheating? So many of the female account holders were fake profiles created by the Impact Group. Of course who was there to come forward and ask for a refund. “Not I,” said many a married man. Which brings up my main point of my writing. How do you define cheating?
The Definition of a Cheat
Webster’s Online Dictionary has the following definitions of cheat:
to break a rule or law usually to gain an advantage at something
to take something from (someone) by lying or breaking a rule
to prevent (someone) from having something that he or she deserves or was expecting to get
So looking at those definitions, where does cheating online,chatting or browsing online fit in? The thing that gets kind of complicated for couples is that no one really talks about how they define what it is to cheat or what the rules are. So while there are some very obvious forms of cheating such as a full-fledged affair complete with secret sex meetings and exchanges of devotion; technology can leave some grey areas around “chatting and shopping” online.
Here are a few scenarios to contemplate:
You are on a business trip and meet an attractive stranger. He buys you several drinks and flirts with you for several hours. He asks to friend you on Facebook. Is this cheating?
You have a “work husband”. You tell him everything including things about your sex life, you go to lunch often, and he often picks up the tab for you at happy hour. You tell him things you don’t even tell your significant other. Is this cheating?
You regularly turn the other cheek about your husband’s porn habit. You recently saw a match.com pop up and he says he is just looking at the pics. Some of the photos women put in their profile are pretty racy. Is this cheating?
In all of these scenarios, No one exchanged any bodily fluids. There was no need for contraceptives. So technically no one cheated. However, how would you or your significant other feel about these situations.
The Ashley Madison Opportunity
So what The Impact Group really gave us wasn’t personal data and an unfiltered email list; but instead we have an opportunity to open the dialogue about what cheating is for each couple, especially online cheating where things tend to get a bit grey. Just like other decisions in our lives, we can’t do what is right for everyone else we have to do what is right for us. No one else is walking our journey. So it is important to be vocal about what online cheating is to you and make your partner feel it is okay to do the same.
If you are okay with your significant other chatting or flirting on FB that is really only between the two of you. If your husband doesn’t believe in the concept of emotional infidelity; then he won’t think there is anything wrong with your “work husband” or having a peeping tom match.com account and therefore he won’t think of himself as anddoing any online cheating. Neither of you will know this until it may be too late, that is if you don’t talk about it. Insecurity and fear often keep people from asking. They may be afraid they are planting a seed. Just know it’s okay if you find out about something that doesn’t match between what your ideas about infidelity are and those of the one you love. It is better to find out and reach an agreeable compromise before someone steps over a line they didn’t know exists and it changes your relationship forever.
Esther Perel did a TED talk recently on infidelity and rethinking what it does in a relationships. I hope it is as thought povoking for you as it was for me.