Monthly Archives: February 2015

Bondage for Beginners – The ABC’s of BDSM

 Bondage for beginners is an important lesson these days. With the advent of Fifty

bondage for beginners gear in black  and red flogger and paddle
Bondage for Beginners

Shades of Grey the steamy Mommy porn trilogy by E.L. James, this super acronym has become a little more common place. (For more about Fifty Shades of Grey see my article on page 13  in the Feb issue  of South Jersey Mom Magazine)  The movie version  of the first book in the series will be released this week. While the hint of BDSM is peppered throughout the books. The realities of this super acronym are barely scratched.  So for those that are more than a little curious about why these practices are so, so sexy for some and scary for others here is a little introduction to the concepts.
Before delving into the breakdown of the acronym to its individual parts, we should know what those parts are:

Bondage for Beginners – BDSM

  • Bondage-Discipline
  • Dominance-Submission
  • Sadism- Masochism

Let’s face it BDDSSM would be much harder to say and not anywhere nearly as catchy ;). Now let’s start the bondage for beginners lesson at the beginning of BDSM and work our way through.

Bondage and Discipline

bondage bdsm three women and one man in bondage role play. Leather costumes masks
It is all fun and games until somebody gets spanked

The first pair in this super acronym are about the give and take of control in a very physical sense. Bondage or using restraints to regulate or restrict behavior and discipline or trying to achieve a desired behavior. Very important to note that discipline is very often only thought of as punishment. While punishment certainly can be used in the pursuit of discipline, think also of the military or professional athletes who achieve outcomes through maintaining self control. The concept of discipline is about achieving a desired behavior. This can be a very powerful concept when introduced into sex play.
In a sexual situation bondage requires trust. It is also about surrendering control which absolutely requires trust.  You can see how this could be an exciting addition to a physical relationship when you look at it from that angle. Since discipline is about achieving desired behavior the key to using it in the bedroom is to create a safe place by setting boundaries and creating things like safe words so that play does not have to stop even when partners get close to each others limits.  Communication is key and generally should take place in advance of the actual sexual activity so that all participants are clear. It is also important to know what the desired behavior is and what are acceptable corrections and or incentives so everyone knows what is pleasurable or acceptable.

Dominance and Submission

The concept of a Dom and a Sub are outlined pretty clearly in The Fifty Shades of Grey series. The give and take of power or control in a relationship whether it is on an emotional level or a physical level can be an deeply impactful part of achieving satisfaction.  Dominance is about being in control. With Great power comes great responsibility! So being dominant is not just about controlling behavior; in a positive healthy pairing it is also about being responsible for pleasure and well being.
Submission is about giving up control. A scary thing for some but for many who are in positions of power and control in their public lives; in their sex lives it can be a powerful and welcome escape.  This type of interaction allows them to be vulnerable and gives them permission to have their needs met without being responsible for the other person. Giving someone else control actually allows them freedom.
It is easy to see how this type of relationship would pair well with the Bondage and Discipline roles.

Sadism and Masochism

The last duo in the BDSM pairings may be the scariest of all for bondage for beginners. We are only going to touch on this topic as there is a world of psychological reasons why inflicting or receiving pain may impact sexual response. Some of this topic also trails into the concepts of fetishes and experiences which develop our definitions of pleasure. It connects especially to how we experience sexual pleasure. Feeling pleasure from giving or receiving pain respectively is exactly what these mean.

Bondage for Beginners:  Now What ???

Now you have some basic information about bondage for beginners. So the next time you are in the popcorn line and the fella next to you with the mask and the crop asks if you are into BDSM you will know whether to answer or go hide in the restroom.

So if you are reading this you are probably not an experienced BDSM practitioner. You may be wondering:  where can one start?  

Three safe ways to start exploring Bondage for Beginners:

Perhaps a simple blindfold, crop or bullet to get you on your way. Click Here to shop for many of these light bondage for beginners accesories.

Beginner Relationship Enhancements
Your Inner Goddess accessories.

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Until next time


The Passion Professor